I just won an iPod Nano

I won an iPod Nano today.
I haven't won anything since I was really young.

And to me, maybe it's a bit selfish, but to me, it felt like a little bit of a slap in the face from the one who decides what happens in this world. Though meant as a gift, it felt like it didn't quite do the trick.

I have been quite miserable lately. Why would a prize make me feel better..?
Well, I had a good night last night, just sitting in the common room chatting with people while some of us were discussing interesting matters, some were playing the guitar, some were playing chess and some were trying to sober up before bed. That's the Hall spirit I have been looking for lately. The common room spirit, you may call it.

It was nice..

And before that, I had been practicing for the musical next week and that was great. And before that, I was singing a bit with a band and that was nice too, to try to "let go" a bit.

And those things were nice too..

But I guess, yes, I am still single, as I have been for the most part of my 24 years of life. And that will probably never be completely wonderful. And the close friends I have, well yeah, they are close, but I keep doing the same thing over and over - I try to escape from them when they come "too close", when things get "too comfortable". And I have done it so many times. H-ll, I even changed countries once. lol, no that's not why I moved, not at ALL. OK??

But I do try to alienate people. And that's the way it's gonna stay...

But still, this iPod Nano, is really cute and I am happy about winning, but at the same time it feels like a waste of money on poor lil ol me. And I feel guilty for accepting it. So yeah, that's another feeling that it woke up inside of me.

But back to the other feeling.
They say that either you have luck in games or luck in love. WELL, I HAVE NEVER REALLY BEEN LUCKY IN LOVE. But sometimes more or less, you see "hints" of it, and now, when I am at ROCK BOTTOM, I win an iPod Nano.

It just feels a bit like a slap in the face.