Premature ej-culation

So,

I was thinking about all the Australian ads on TV, radio, signs on big boards next to the road etc about guys and their "big problem" about premature ej-culation.

First of all; whatever. I guess you could say it's easy for me to say, because I'm a woman and that whole thing is pretty distant to me. But it's such a Developed country problem.

Secondly; I was getting a more biological perspective on it. Guys that this "phenomenon" is happening to; should they be more biologically efficient? If we look at other animals, maybe it's better that the male quickly spreads its seed so that he can impregnate yet another female as soon as possible? Does this apply even to humans?

I _am_ aware of the different sociological perspective that needs to be taken into account. I mean, contraceptives have pretty much minimised the "risk" of pregnancy (G-d, that is really retarded, if you look at it biologically), so it's more the "female's choice" when this is going to happen. And what does the woman want nowadays? APPARENTLY "longer lasting s-x" as all the freakin' retarded signs say everywhere. I have no opinion in that matter, but I do want to raise an issue;

Let's hypothesize that females turn down men as potential continuing lovers (and thereby also as mates that will give offspring) if they are not pleasing them in the bedroom, ergo, if they don't give them "longer lasting s-x"? And by doing that; are we messing with "evolution" and giving guys that don't impregnate females "as quickly" more chance of giving offspring than the ones that have premature ej-culation? Because, as most women that I have come across, may always use contraceptives, but apparently we all want children one day, and simply stop using the contraceptives and get a child with that person that has been giving them that "longer lasting s-x".

This is really retarded, but I just thought I should write something down about it. I find it interesting, weirdly enough. :S
Are we messing with evolution? _Can_ we mess with evolution?

Torn between two worlds...

...I don't know what to long for anymore. Or if I should want to be here.
It's so difficult when you don't want to disappoint anyone or make anyone feel bad, and then you want to feel good as well..

I'm torn between two worlds..

..AND WHY CAN'T I FR-KIN' STOP THINKING ABOUT YOU WHEN IT'S A _FAMILY_ HOLIDAY??

Antisocial

You know how there are some people that you just can't stand to hang out with on your own, but together with other people around, it's kind of alright?

I feel bad..but there are a few of those and I just can't stand them...!
Does that make me a bad person??

I'm scared...

...what if there is a third World War coming..?

What if all this economic crisis will start a new World War?
What if all I know in Sweden will lose their jobs? So many Swedish people have already lost theirs...and all because of bank loans being handed out to easily to poor families in the U.S. No, I'm not blaiming them. I'm not blaiming anyone. This is not about blaiming..this is about sadness and being scared...

I am so scared that things will get ugly..like they have many times before. I feel cold and stiff. It's as if it's already started. That the "war" has already started and I am already there. I don't want to be this scared before nothing has actually started..but all this terrorism..all these sad events where people lose their jobs, commit suicide, kill eachother, trick eachother.

It's so frightening to see how we react under pressure...and I'm not saying i wouldn't do the same. I can just hope I won't, but I probably will turn into a "selfish bastard" who fights to stay alive.

I'm not saying I do believe that there will be a World War starting that soon and that everyone will be affected, I'm just saying I am REALLY and UTTERLY scared of that happening to anyone in this world.

And at the same time I know that it IS happening RIGHT NOW, for many people. It's a part of the reality for many people on this planet. To be scared of dying, to not have enough food for the day, to see your friends die.

That's why we shouldn't have friends or family that we can lose..that's why we should all close ourselves up and not feel anything, right? Then we wouldn't know what we would lose? We wouldn't even be able to lose it..

I am so scared...

I just won an iPod Nano

I won an iPod Nano today.
I haven't won anything since I was really young.

And to me, maybe it's a bit selfish, but to me, it felt like a little bit of a slap in the face from the one who decides what happens in this world. Though meant as a gift, it felt like it didn't quite do the trick.

I have been quite miserable lately. Why would a prize make me feel better..?
Well, I had a good night last night, just sitting in the common room chatting with people while some of us were discussing interesting matters, some were playing the guitar, some were playing chess and some were trying to sober up before bed. That's the Hall spirit I have been looking for lately. The common room spirit, you may call it.

It was nice..

And before that, I had been practicing for the musical next week and that was great. And before that, I was singing a bit with a band and that was nice too, to try to "let go" a bit.

And those things were nice too..

But I guess, yes, I am still single, as I have been for the most part of my 24 years of life. And that will probably never be completely wonderful. And the close friends I have, well yeah, they are close, but I keep doing the same thing over and over - I try to escape from them when they come "too close", when things get "too comfortable". And I have done it so many times. H-ll, I even changed countries once. lol, no that's not why I moved, not at ALL. OK??

But I do try to alienate people. And that's the way it's gonna stay...

But still, this iPod Nano, is really cute and I am happy about winning, but at the same time it feels like a waste of money on poor lil ol me. And I feel guilty for accepting it. So yeah, that's another feeling that it woke up inside of me.

But back to the other feeling.
They say that either you have luck in games or luck in love. WELL, I HAVE NEVER REALLY BEEN LUCKY IN LOVE. But sometimes more or less, you see "hints" of it, and now, when I am at ROCK BOTTOM, I win an iPod Nano.

It just feels a bit like a slap in the face.

What if I left tomorrow...?

What if I left tomorrow? And never came back to this place?
What if you wouldn't see me again? Would you cry? I don't know, probably not. You would just shrug your shoulder, right...?

Say what you want about how funny I am. You don't know me, apparently..
You poor schmuck.

Yes..

Yes, I do go from friend to friend, getting them out of my life as I go. Yes, I do. And i will keep on doing it. I will keep on running around, searching for that perfect friend. Because that's what everyone has, right? That best friend that will never do anything to hurt them, that they can always have fun with, that will always inspire them to do new things, and that can keep you safe and give you good advice when they should?

'Cause I never had that. And I never will. Not when you have such high standards. Nobody wants to be perfect anymore. Everyone just lives by the motto "Noone's perfect. Everyone's human."

Well, whatever.