Five steps of grief

They say there are five steps of grief; Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.
I never went through denial. I just fast-forwarded to Depression and stayed there for 9 months. So far.

I just can't stop crying. Several times a week, for several hours at a time, I cry. I can't stop. I can feel it coming sometimes. I breathe normally one second, and the next it's like I don't get any oxygen in.

And then I just need to see something slightly sad, may it be the sad ending of a movie, or just a sock lying on its own in the middle of the floor. And I start crying. And it's pouring down. I've become a crying expert.

I still can't breathe properly. And I am so sad I am starting to feel sick. I feel like turning my intestines inside out.

I can't do this anymore. I can't keep on crying all the time. It's incredibly stupid and destructive. And I keep telling myself that, but it doesn't help.

I feel so misunderstood. Like a freak. And I used to think I could live in this world alone. But I can't. I need someone to watch it with me. Like a movie, make tiny comments to it, cry to it, laugh to it, get into it.
I need someone to hold me until I fall asleep.