Who am I really angry at?

I was really angry last night, and sad. And disappointed.

But who am I really angry at? Or SHOULD be angry at. Of course it's myself. Why wouldn't it be my fault? _I_ am the one who keeps misinterpreting things! _I_ am the one who keeps changing from being Mrs Nice to Miss Crap bag.

Why do I target this at you? It's not your fault that you are young and don't understant what words can do to other people.

I don't even know why I like you. For G-ds sake, you are too young for me. But still, you make me smile and laugh more than anyone, and you don't give me that "butterfly feeeling" in my belly. Because that feeling is crap. You make me feel safe. Well, SOMETIMES. And then sometimes I just get so SH-T JEALOUS for no reason. Nah, I don't know if there is no reason. But you are so detached, I can't read you properly sometimes. Just try to be a bit more consistent?

No...here we go again, _you_ are not the one who should change. _I_ am the one who should be more consistent. But it just seems that whenever _I_ am consistent, _you_ aren't. We were consistent for like a day or so at the same time. Maybe another day a few weeks back as well. But I don't know how to do this anymore.

I need to be infatuated by someone else now, I need to let go. But I can't. Because I have to know if I have been imagining things all along or not. I need to _know_.

*sigh*